I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
