My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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