it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
