I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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