forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
