fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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