He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
