We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
