You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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