Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
