you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
