just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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