I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
