Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
