He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
