no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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