Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
