apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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