Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
