there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
