I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I showed him my bush... on skype.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize