so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
