She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Drake has all the answers
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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