im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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