Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
