Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
