batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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