Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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