update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
