Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
