WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
