Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
