I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
