I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
