im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
