so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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