I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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