So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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