guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
