There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
