no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
