After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
