You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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