You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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