Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
