theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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