I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
