Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
this just has baby written all over it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
