I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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