HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
