Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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