Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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