i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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