Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
