You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Congratulations! We have a period
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
