I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
