So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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