Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
