We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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