it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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