mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
