Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
