She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize