we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
