U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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