I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
