He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
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He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
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At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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