even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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