whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
