remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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