The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
