Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
