12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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