He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
