I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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