You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
