So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
