its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
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the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
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Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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