I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
