i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
